imago.com.au - Imago Relationship Therapy FAQs

There is also an FAQ page at IRI.

Frequently Asked Questions About Imago

  1. How do you pronounce Imago?
  2. How many sessions of Imago therapy will we need?
  3. Are there workshops based on Imago Therapy?
  4. How can I know if a workshop is the real thing?
  5. I can’t afford the time or money to attend therapy or a workshop ... what’s one thing I can do to improve my relationships?
  6. We have problems with violence / gambling / drugs / alcohol .... Would Imago work for us?
  7. I asked a psychologist what they thought about Imago, and they said, "It’s just psychodynamics with a veneer of behavourism." What does that mean?
  8. Harville Hendrix ... is he the bloke on Oprah?

Frequently Asked Questions About Alan’s Practice

  1. Where is your office?
  2. Can we get together some other way?
  3. What about confidentiality?
  4. How long is a session?
  5. When are you available?
  6. How much do you charge?
  7. How can I arrange a session?
  8. Can you refer me to an Imago therapist in my area?

1. How do you pronounce Imago?

"Im" is like important, and "ago" is like cargo.

2. How many sessions of Imago therapy will we need?

That’s impossible to say, since it depends on how far you want to go and how willing you are to do the work to get there. Rather than X sessions being a standard treatment, I recommend that you commit to a number of sessions, say six to eight, and see for yourself if it works for you. People often find that after three or four sessions some stuff comes up that makes them want to quit. It’s important to keep going at that point, so the commitment to six or eight sessions should get you through that.

3. Are there workshops based on Imago Therapy?

Yes, workshops are considered extremely valuable, if not essential, to successful Imago work. You can find a list of Australian workshops at AIRTA, and a global workshop directory at IRI.

4. How can I know if a workshop is the real thing?

If someone offers you an "Imago workshop", use the IRI therapist directory to check that they are a certified Couple’s Workshop Presenter, Single’s Workshop Presenter, Imago Therapist, or Imago Educator. There are some therapists who have no training in Imago and think that reading Getting The Love You Want qualifies them to deliver an "Imago workshop". Make sure you are getting the real thing from a certified Imago therapist or educator.

Top

5. I can’t afford the time or money to attend therapy or a workshop ... what’s one thing I can do to improve my relationships?

Many people come to counselling expecting the counsellor to magically fix their partner. They hope that the counsellor will cast a behaviour change spell on their partner, and all of their troubles will disappear without them needing to question or change their own behaviour.

Where I see most clients going wrong is they try to punish their partner into giving them what they want (this is called the power struggle). You have two legitimate rights in a non-abusive intimate relationship. One is to change your own behaviour to meet your partner’s needs. The other is to ask your partner if they are willing to give you what you need. Did you get that? The only one of whom you can demand change is yourself.

The truth is, if you keep on doing what you’re doing, you’re going to keep on getting what you’re getting. Here’s the only thing you really need to know - you have to do something different for your relationship to change.

So what can you actually do to make a difference? A good first objective is to make your relationship safe enough for you both to ask for what you need.

Begin by listening without needing to change your partner, win an argument, or protect yourself by avoiding contact. Get curious. Make it safe enough for your partner to want to share with you the truth about how they feel. Try things like, "what was that like for you?", "how did that make you feel?", and "how would you like that to be different?"

The next thing is to come from a position of vulnerability, rather than blaming and controlling. For instance, instead of, "where have you been?", try something like, "I was worried when you weren’t home at the usual time." Instead of, "you useless, lazy, stupid ...", try something like, "I feel frustrated and ashamed when this happens. Can we talk about how else we could deal with this?" Rather than, "why won’t you ... exercise the dog / look after the kids / get a decent job?", try something like, "I’m worried about ... the dog / the kids / what your job is doing to your health. Are you willing to talk about it now?"

Top

6. We have problems with violence / gambling / drugs / alcohol ... Would Imago work for us?

Probably not, and I wouldn’t recommend it. Imago is about intimate connection and feeling loved and cared for. Where there is physical violence or systematic domination it is unlikely that such objectives can be reached. The same goes for things like problem gambling and substance abuse. These problems need to be sorted out before intimate relationships can be addressed. Once you and your partner as individuals have dealt with these sort of issues (with the help of a specialist agency or therapist), it may be appropriate to try some Imago work to address your relationship.

7. I asked a psychologist what they thought about Imago, and they said, "It’s just psychodynamics with a veneer of behavourism." What does that mean?

A core idea of many psychodynamic approaches is that maladaptive functions ("defence mechanisms") emerge early in life in the individual psyche, and remain largely unconscious until their effects cause trouble for the individual. This is certainly true of Imago theory, but Imago theory is also equally compatible with many other schools of thought, such as Systemic Family Therapy, and Attachment Theory. Behavourist therapies are about consciously changing behaviour, and Imago therapy certainly does this, but in a way that focusses on the relational and developmental aspects of the human psyche through meaningful shared emotional experience. It is in its unique compatibility with multiple approaches, with a focus on the mutuality of intimate relationships, that makes Imago more than just pastiche.

Top

8. Harville Hendrix ... is he the bloke on Oprah?

Yes, Harville has appeared on the Oprah show many times. You can learn more about him at IRI.

9. Where is your office?

I am a mobile therapist based in Albany, Western Australia. I come to your home or any other safe private space that suits you. If we need to I can arrange for us to use a safe venue in Albany.

10. Can we get together some other way?

Yes. I have a lot of experience counselling over the telephone. I will call you at a time that suits us both.

I am also available via online interactive audio and video. To do this, you need -

You can see me through my webcam. If you have a webcam as well, that would allow me to see you too.

Please test your set up prior to the first session so that we don't lose time debugging the technology.

Top

11. What about confidentiality?

As a general rule, everything that we talk about I keep to myself. You can discuss whatever you want with whomever you want (that’s entirely your business), but I don’t talk to anyone else about you or anyone you mention.

There are three very specific exceptions to this. One is if I learn that someone is in danger - I must put their welfare above your confidentiality. For instance, if you tell me that a child is being abused, or if you tell me that you have a clear and impending plan to kill yourself or someone else, I may contact other people to try to stop it.

Another exception is if there is a way that a professional collegue or clinical supervisor can help me to help you, I might discuss elements of your case with them, but I don’t use your name or give specific identifying information, and those conversations are also confidential.

The third exception is if I see you or your partner alone (and sometimes this is appropriate), I can’t promise to keep secrets from the other. In other words, I consider your relationship to be the fundamental client, and I can’t take sides by colluding with any of the participants.

If you send me an e-mail I will only use your address to reply to your query. In other words, I will not send you spam nor sell your address to anyone else for them to do so.

I will only use your phone number and Messenger or Skype contact details to conduct therapy sessions with you at negotiated times, and those sessions will not be recorded in any form.

Top

12. How long is a session?

I find the standard "therapeutic hour" of 50 minutes works well for a session with an individual.

For an Imago couples session, an hour and a half is a good place to start.

Many people find it very effective to do Imago work intensively, for instance, having two sessions back to back, or setting aside a half day. We can be creative about that.

13. When are you available?

As well as office hours, I am willing to do sessions in the evenings during the week, and during the day on weekends, if that’s what it takes for us to get together.

14. How much do you charge?

I prefer not to publish a price list, since I take into account your income and the length of sessions that we agree on. Please contact me to talk it over.

15. How can I arrange a session?

Send me an e-mail or call me. Bring a print out of the home page for a 20% discount on your first session.

16. Can you refer me to an Imago therapist in my area?

Sure, but you may be able to find one yourself on the AIRTA directory, or on my links page. You can also find Certified Imago Therapists around the world on the IRI directory.

Top

Imago ~ A New Way To Love

© Alan Williams 2006-2008. All Rights Reserved.